When will I feel better again????

Here I am stuck at home not feeling well again.  I have known for sometime that something was going on, I have been so tired.  While at work I can't get through an entire day, by later afternoon, I am exhausted.   So I thought seeing the Dr. would be a good idea.. It Was.
I failed the IV stress test, they did  not even get to finish the test.  They recommended that I have a heart cath done asap.  So I was admitted into the hospital and observed overnight and the heart cath was performed Thursday morning.  Praise the Lord, there were no blockages found anywhere.  But it was determined that I have fluid around my heart.  or congestive heart failure.  I am only 43 years old, so I have a chance to protective myself.  But while talking to my Dr.  It seems that you CAN drink too much water.   I drink anywhere from 6  -   8  16oz bottles of water a day.  but my activity level doesn't allow me to get rid of the excessive water in my body.. so i am taking more water pills and cutting back on my water intake a bit and will start an exercise program.  I am looking into several options..I can not be successful if I exercise by myself, I am thinking about asking for a membership to our local gym as a Christmas gift.  If anyone has any information for me or suggestions in my lifestyle changes I would greatly appreciate it and everyone keep me in your thoughts and prayers..this is going to a struggle since I work for WM and this is the Christmas season.

Christmas Open House

We kicked off the Christmas season this weekend, by celebrating Christmas Open House in downtown Hartselle.  My mom and aunt own Hartselle Antique Mall.  The largest Antique shop on historic main street.  I always look forward to the Christmas season, but this one was a little warm outside, courtesy of our southern weather. (at least it wasn't raining)  We had a very good turnout, I served Hot spice cider and Cold lemon water, and if the amount of cups that I used is any kind of count, we had over  500 visitors.  And our sales were awesome also...so maybe people are in the mood  to buy gifts this year.  And of course, I had to buy things, that is they way my aunt pays me, in purchases.   I purchased new Christmas ornaments.. I make it a point to add a new ornament to my tree for each member of our family.  I also bought an ornament for each of the girls that work for me in the fabrics department.  I also put on layaway,  the nativity set by Jim Shore.  I love his figurines and we have a new dealer in the shop.  Jim Shore, adds that touch of quilting to his pieces.  I have asked for a new ornament each year from the Jim Shore Heartland collection.  

Christmas Wishes...

Christmas is here...We have set it all day today at work..this is going to be such a tough one for so many families.  There are alot of familes struggling this year.  So many people have lost their jobs or are like us and just struggling to make each month without being broke.  And as I am putting new merchandise on the shelves it makes me think, will this even sell this year.  I am making so much of our Christmas. 
My Christmas Wish is that each family have a healthy meal and that each child has a smile on Christmas morning.  But I really wish that each and every person know Jesus Christ as their personal savior.

This Economy..............and Christmas.

This economy?   What will we do?  It doesn't matter if my husband & I both got itty bitty raises this year, we still have no money left anymore.  Since today is the unofficially start of the Christmas season, I've been thinking about gift giving.  I am having a hard time convincing others that we should not give gifts this year.  And my husband & I have decided that our teenagers should get only one gift from us this year. (this is not going over very well)  I thought I had taught them better than this....hopefully it will sink in.  And I would like others to not spend SO much money on the gifts they can give.  I am working so hard on making all the gifts that I can and make a little money on the  side also.  Last year I made a few gifts,  I hope they were appreciated, because they will be getting handmade again this year.   How many of you out there are doing as we are and making sure Christmas is VERY inexpensive this year?  I would like any ideas and suggestions on gift giving and mostly on explaining to our children what to expect.

God"s Coloring Book

I love Autumn!! The air is clean and brisk. They sunshine doesn't seem too bright. And God is coloring in his color book. The colors are so bright and vivid this year. That is because we have had alot of rain. This is definitely not a dry autumn. I really enjoy my football Saturdays. ROLL TIDE ROLL!!! (even though they have a bye this week) We have an apple orchard in our county, maybe tomorrow will be a good day to go pick a few apples. And enjoy the sights,smells and sounds.
You would think that because I love autumn so much, that Halloween is my favorite holiday. No....I do not like Halloween, I'm not a horror person, or one for wearing costumes. I would much rather enjoy the harvest season. I feel it is the last bit of life in this old girl before the dead of winter sets in. Living in Alabama, our winters are just drab..yucky.. and depressing. The colors of Autumn leave me with colorful memories to live on until Spring. When God likes to color again.
So go to a football game, get the kids together and pick some beautiful apples or just take the dog for a walk. Whatever thank God for all the blessings of this Harvest.

Life sucks

Ok this is supposed to be like an online diary of sorts right? So I am going to get some things off of my mind. I am really sick of this life I'm living. Strike that, I don't feel like I'm living. Just existing. I have been married for 23 years and I am very unhappy. I am the mother of three children and I can't even enjoy them anymore. I used to be happy or at the least show a happy face. I don't even bother with trying anymore. My husband was a drug addict for 25 years and has been clean for 5 years now and I WAS so proud of him but for the past 2years he has slowly become an alcoholic. Of course he doesn't believe so, just like he ignored the drug problem, he is ignoring the alcohol problem. I refuse to have anything to do with him if he is drinking. So we have small conversations in the one hour after he comes home, that is when he starts drinking. The drinking has caused our 2 older children to hate him, and they stay away from home as much as possible, cause you never know what he is going to say or do before he passes out each night. My youngest, is much of a loner I'm sure because I'm the only one he usually has contact with. But as of the past few months, he barely gets that. When I come home, I make sure there is food to eat, somehow..... then after dinner it is off to bed. I climb into bed, turn the tv on or log on the computer. But most nights, I curl up into a ball and cry myself to sleep, or just lay there and never sleep. I hate this life. I would love to pack up and leave but when you live paycheck to paycheck and have no friends that you could depend on because your whole life he has made sure somehow that I don't have close friends. And I don't anyone who would take all 4 of us in. My dad might but he lives 2 hours away, my mom would love to, but she would have to run my life if I even slept over one night. I would love to just go away. And I hate to say it but I'd like some time away from everyone. The teenagers have no clue how bad I feel, and they don't understand, that we live paycheck to paycheck, that we are not like their friends, whose parents hand out 20 dollar bills like it was kool aid. Hell we can't even afford kool aid right now. And I'm the bad guy, I am so sorry that I can't give them what they want or need. I do my best, they do not go hungry, they just may not get steak and shrimp, but peanut butter and ramen noodles. They may not wear the most update expensive clothes , but they fit and and aren't ragged. Now there are days that I don't get to eat lunch, and I haven't had a new outfit in so long....and they don't worry about if they will run out of gas in their car and have to walk or borrow gas money from someone. (their tanks are filled up each week) Just because I ask my oldest who has a full time job, to help out a little bit. I'm look at as a lousy mother, and I really hate it that I can't get them the greatest gifts for their birthdays or Christmas. So why not hate this life? I know that there are others out there suffering differently than me. But I don't get the opportunity to feel sorry for myself very often. I'd like to have a good pity party and forget everything, every problem that I have. But I can't I wake up in the middle of the night worrying about so many things. And I am just so exhausted, I hate this life. Enough said.

Ain't That A Kick In The Head

Another Rainy Day in Alabama, so I've been watching alot of football. Listening to alot of music. I've been a old mood. Dean Martin, boy was he a smooth operator. His voice is just so unique, I don't think anyone in this generation has captured that sound. Micheal Buble has channeled Frank Sinatra, and Harry Connick, Jr is a style of his own. If anyone out there has not tried Pandora internet music, it is AWESOME. You submit your favorite artist and it plays the artist and those you may like. I was very impressed. Almost good as my ipod playlist. But talking about Dean Martin, Vegas is one of my favorite towns. And I can only imagine what it must have been like back in the days of the RatPack. Vegas had the style it does now, for the 50's and 60's. Old Hollywood and the Mob, that does have an air of mystery about it. I think I need to go rent some old movies....doesn't that sound good for this rainy dreary weather they say we will have for the next 2 weeks? Memories are made of this......